


deserving (even if you deny yourself)

by MoraMew



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Polyamory, Romantic Gestures, Self-Denial, Self-Doubt, Shame, kind of not really? just internal angst, office worker!daichi, ot5 pairing but this focuses mainly on Daichi and Kyoutani, overuse of the word lover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25913767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoraMew/pseuds/MoraMew
Summary: There is a cluster of women just outside of his door. They are by his secretary's desk admiring the large bouquet of flowers a delivery man had dropped off just ten minutes ago. Daichi can't see the bouquet from his spot, but he's already aware of the fact that it is big and lovely and utterly romantic. There had been a card attached to it and he had seen his secretary flush and smile while reading it. It was sweet, the reaction. His fiance must be thoughtful.Something inside Daichi twitches and the envy that ripples through his chest shames him.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Kyoutani Kentarou/Oikawa Tooru/Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Kyoutani Kentarou/Sawamura Daichi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 72





	deserving (even if you deny yourself)

**Author's Note:**

> daichi deserves romance too

"-chicken and rice-"  
  
"Hayato-kun! You're _so lucky_! Look at them!!!"  
  
Daichi's gaze flits to the source of the distraction and his attention stutters for a moment, gets waylaid.  
  
There is a cluster of women just outside of his door. They are by his secretary's desk admiring the large bouquet of flowers a delivery man had dropped off just ten minutes ago. Daichi can't see the bouquet from his spot, but he's already aware of the fact that it is big and lovely and utterly romantic. There had been a card attached to it and he had seen his secretary flush and smile while reading it. It was sweet, the reaction. His fiance must be thoughtful.  
  
Something inside Daichi twitches and the envy that ripples through his chest shames him.  
  
He has never had someone give him flowers before. He's always been the one to make those sort of gestures and it's always been something he has enjoyed, has taken delight and care in doing. He _adores_ seeing Oikawa and Suga’s eyes light up when he surprises them with bouquets. He _adores_ the way they smile and how they pepper him with kisses and act so very sweetly to him after.   
  
He _likes_ brightening their day up like that. It brightens up _his_ day.  
  
But sometimes...sometimes he does wonder what it would be like to be on the receiving end.  
  
Not that he would ask for that. Not that he would ever expect it.  
  
Still though…  
  
"...Daichi?"  
  
The sound of his name makes him blink and Daichi jerks his thoughts from flowers and romance. A guilty smile and a hand rubbing the back of his neck happen on reflex- useless actions when he's talking to one of his partners on the phone instead of face to face. He sighs, quietly, and closes his eyes, tries to get himself together.  
  
(Who knew someone else receiving flowers would distract him so much? How pathetic.)  
  
"Sorry, Kyou," Daichi apologizes- sincere and a smidge guilty and _maybe_ just a bit embarrassed. (He's not supposed to think about these things. Want these things. It's not for his role.)  
  
"My secretary's fiance sent him flowers," Daichi continues in a probably unneeded explanation. "Some of the workers are outside my office causing a fuss over it. It's... distracting."  
  
And it is. For multiple reasons, but Daichi doesn't think Kyoutani will care about them too much.  
  
Still, though, Kyoutani surprises him by showing some small interest in the form of grunting out, "Flowers?"  
  
Daichi hums and he leans back in his seat, tilts his head to stare up at the ceiling.  
  
"Yeah," he tells him. (There's maybe a sigh threaded through the word- something he pretends isn’t really there.) "It's a big bouquet. Pretty. I think it might be their anniversary or something."  
  
Envy flickers through Daichi, but he's able to press it down without too much effort. He's _not_ able to hide the wistfulness in his voice, though, and Daichi finds himself grimacing at that weakness.  
  
It's...well. It's not _shameful_ to want flowers or romantic gestures- Daichi is secure enough in his masculinity to know that.  
  
But it is... _something_. Not something Daichi can quite name, but there's something that comes along with the desire for it that makes him feel almost a little uncomfortable, kind of... selfish? Maybe?  
  
Daichi isn't sure what it is, but perhaps it's something he should figure out at some later time.  
  
(Or just ignore and shove out of his mind.)  
  
There's a hum from the other end of the line and Daichi shakes his head, tries to drag himself from his pondering.  
  
"Do you want flowers?"  
  
The question comes out blunt. It surprises Daichi and some part of him is thankful that it's Kyoutani asking and not one of the others; Suga and Oikawa would be too teasing about it and Iwaizumi would be curious, would probably tease as well and have him maybe more embarrassed than if the others had asked.  
  
With Kyoutani, though, he knows that the question comes from pure curiosity. It doesn't _sound_ curious, no- just blunt and gruff from that rumbling voice of his.  
  
But Kyoutani wouldn't bother asking if he wasn't curious. He doesn't tease like the others do and he's simple- if he wants to know something, he'll ask and if he doesn't, he'll turn his attention to other things.  
  
Which is why, maybe, that Daichi is able to be more honest with himself around Kyoutani. If he's interested, he's interested. There's no judgement- or little if there is- and he's not out to tease or embarrass or to rile up.  
  
Which is why Daichi's mouth moves before he can stop himself and he answers with a, "Kind of, I guess. Who doesn't want flowers?"  
  
Not exactly _completely_ true, but more honest than he would be with the others.  
  
(Not that he'd _lie_ to them.

...maybe just dodge the question with a tease and turn it around on them instead.)   
  
“I don’t want flowers.”   
  
Daichi huffs, so fondly, and his lips twitch into a smile.   
  
Of course Kyoutani doesn’t want flowers.   
  
“Not at all?” Daichi asks, unable to help but to tease just a _little_ bit. It’s okay, he thinks, probably- Kyoutani wouldn’t get annoyed or embarrassed over such a light thing.   
  
(Not like he would.)   
  
“...dunno,” Kyoutani says, after a moment of thought. “Maybe a venus flytrap. Those're cool.”   
  
Daichi hides a snort of amusement and his smile turns into a full on grin.   
  
For someone so stoic, Kyoutani can be _very_ funny sometimes.   
  
Though, of course, he’s probably just being as honest as usual- he’d probably like a venus flytrap in lieu of a bouquet.   
  
(A venus flytrap _would_ be cool to get, though.)   
  
Daichi leans back further in his chair- grin stretched wide and utterly charmed by his partner in the moment.   
  
“Maybe I’ll get you one,” Daichi tells him. He’s honestly considering it- if he can remember later on, that is. Kyoutani just lets out a noise of acknowledgement and Daichi hums himself in response, lets his grin soften into a smile. “In the meantime, though, I’ll just focus on picking up dinner. Tell me everyone’s order again?”   
  
Kyoutani huffs, but it’s without any real annoyance or irritation. Daichi listens as he begins to rattle off the orders and drags a post-it note and a pen over to jot it all down.   
  
He gets lost in what he needs to do to make his partners happy come dinnertime and Daichi forgets about flowers and romance and being wooed, lets that part of the day fade away in exchange for food orders and the rest of his work emails.   
  
They eat good that night and Daichi ends up falling asleep with Kyoutani next to him- curled up as against his lover and held in a way he doesn’t often get to be, smiling as he drifts off to his dreams.   
  


* * *

  
  
The rest of the week passes by fast. It’s busy and hectic, but there are good moments- really nice moments- that make it bearable.   
  
On Tuesday, Kyoutani sends Daichi off to work with a kiss to the forehead. It’s something he usually only does to Oikawa or Suga and it’s something that catches Daichi off guard. It pleases him, though, and he smiles all the way to work despite slow traffic and aggressive morning commuters.   
  
On Wednesday, Daichi gets _another_ kiss to his forehead. Iwaizumi does too- a quick one as he rushes out and curses his alarm clock for not going off. It still pleases Daichi even if he’s not the only one to receive a kiss goodbye and he realizes that it makes him feel distinctly...warm. Special, in some small way- even if it’s not a thing exclusive to him. It’s...nice.   
  
And so is Kyoutani dropping off a bento for him whenever he finds out that he won’t be able to break properly for lunch. Kyoutani doesn’t linger- he just drops it off with a nod and a mumbled ask if he’ll be late coming home- but he _does_ press his lips to Daichi’s cheek before leaving and just that small act has Daichi smiling throughout the rest of his _incredibly long_ day.   
  
Affection comes Thursday, too- a kiss goodbye and a cuddle on the couch when he gets home from work. Kyoutani drops kisses to his hair as they watch a documentary about hyenas and his arm stays cozy around Daichi- his chest firm and warm against Daichi’s back.   
  
It’s...nice. All the affection is _nice_.   
  
It’s not like he’s not used to affection or that he doesn’t get it. It’s not that at all. It’s just...different than normal. Small but sweet and so _good_ because it’s specifically from their kind of grumpy, kind of oblivious pup. Different because it’s happening to _him_ and it’s not something brought on by one of the others wanting affection or attention. It’s...just him receiving it without prompt or someone seeking their own comfort. It’s...about him. It’s...nice.   
  
(God, he really is so selfish sometimes. He doesn’t fault the others for coming to him for affection- he really doesn’t. He loves to curl up with them or hold them close, pet over them and give them the attention and love they desire- the affection that they _deserve_.   
  
He loves doing it- he really, really does.   
  
...but, god, this is a nice change.   
  
And, _god_ , doesn’t he feel so shameful for thinking that.)   
  
The others don’t comment on Kyoutani cuddling him- Oikawa and Suga are too wrapped up in self-inflicted drama to pay too much attention and Iwaizumi is busy with work- and that too is kind of nice.   
  
(Which, of course, makes Daichi feel awful but he doesn’t know if he could enjoy this as much if Oikawa and Suga decided to seek Kyoutani’s attention too.   
  
He’d share, of course- they all share and he’ll happily let them get the attention they want.   
  
...but it wouldn’t be the same. It wouldn’t be so quiet and cozy and nice and _intimate_ if the others decided to join in.   
  
...he’s really an awful partner, isn’t he?)   
  
Thursday night, Daichi falls asleep with Kyoutani and he is again held. This time, though, he’s petted over as they drift off- mumbled to in Arabic and held close. It makes something in him grow tender, that affection and closeness, and Daichi ends up melting into Kyoutani’s hold, curling his fingers into his shirt even if some part of him wants to resist that soft gesture.   
  
(He’s being ridiculous, probably. There’s no reason to resist that- no reason to struggle against letting himself be softer, more vulnerable. He’s allowed to be like that, he knows- of course he’s allowed.   
  
But still- _still_ \- there is some part of him that doesn’t want to give in to that which he quietly, desperately desires. _Still_ some part of him won’t let him fully admit and enjoy moments where _he_ is held tender and treated like something sweet and treasured.   
  
_What is it_ , he wants to know. _Why can’t I give myself over to that?_   
  
He doesn’t find the answer as he drifts. He doubts he ever will.)   
  


* * *

  
  
Friday comes and it is blessedly peaceful.   
  
Daichi receives his now routine kiss to the forehead before going to work and his day is spent almost languidly- work caught up for the week and calls and emails coming in slow. It’s nice, that, and Daichi allows himself a long lunch, the chance to relax just a little bit as the day winds on.   
  
It’s a pleasant day.   
  
A little after lunch, there is a surprise visitor- his secretary’s fiance popping in to drop off something or another. He comes carrying flowers and Daichi watches from the water cooler as his secretary lights up and throws his arms around his fiance, kisses him quickly through a smile.   
  
Despite the affection and doting that Daichi has received through the week, there is a crack of envy that ripples through him as he watches and he has to turn away and walk back into his office so he doesn’t ruin their moment with his frown.   
  
_There’s no reason to be jealous_ , he tells himself as he sits down. _It’s just flowers. You’ve got plenty of attention this week._   
  
And he has, really. Kyoutani has been sweet with his little kisses as sendoffs and his strong, secure holds at night. He’s been with Daichi more often than not when they’ve both been home at the same time- sitting with him quietly or loosely holding him as they talk about their days, watching movies and cooking side by side in the kitchen and sharing the shower in the morning. It’s been a while since Daichi has been shown so much attention and he loves it, he does.   
  
(Even if his gut twists with guilt when he thinks about how everyone else needs the attention too, how he’s been hoarding Kyoutani’s focus this past week.)   
  
He doesn’t need any more than what he’s received. He’s lucky to have gotten so much already and, really, he needs to focus on the others instead of his own envious little wants.   
  
(god, why does he even _want_ flowers? It’s so silly. Ridiculous.   
  
Is it flowers he even wants? Or is it something else? Maybe it’s just the gesture of romance or something.   
  
Maybe it’s just him being needy.   
  
Ridiculous. He’s being selfish over such a small thing.)   
  
Outside his office, his secretary giggles and Daichi gets up and closes his door. He ignores the pair and he ignores his twisting feelings and he throws himself into his work instead- lips dipped into a frown and brow furrowed as he determinedly, stubbornly focuses on anything other than what is trying to tug at his heart.   
  
(It is a relief, though, when the fiance leaves and the office falls quiet again. Daichi ignores the bouquet on his secretary’s desk and instead thinks about how he should get flowers for Oikawa and Suga, thinks that they are very deserving of them and should be given some affection and care.)   
  
The rest of the day slips by slowly and Daichi finds himself tired when it is finally time to leave the office.   
  
He says goodnight to his secretary- eyes lingering on the bundle of roses clutched in a big hand- and he heads home with a sigh and a sense of weariness.   
  
It’ll be an early night for him, probably. He...he just needs a good sleep. He’ll be over everything in the morning.   
  
(He hopes so, at least.)   
  
When Daichi gets home, it’s surprisingly quiet. A quick check of the calendar reminds him that Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Suga have a date night planned. Daichi’s heart twists, just a little, at the thought of dates and someone planning something special for _him_ and he has to turn away from the calendar, grimaces in a quick wash of shame.   
  
(How much more selfish is he going to get? He’s been pouting like a child for a week over something so _ridiculous_. He needs to get over it- he needs to not think about it anymore. It’s so stupid. So selfish. So _trivial_.   
  
He knows he has the others' affection- love that is romantic and sweet and utterly adoring. He _knows_ he does.   
  
He...he doesn’t need the gestures.   
  
He just needs to shake this off.)   
  
Daichi sighs, quiet and tired, and he runs his hand through his hair before walking to his room. He loosens his tie as he heads toward it, but stops when he finds his door open and Kyoutani’s toned, inked back greeting him.   
  
Daichi blinks and he blinks again when he sees a bouquet of amaryllis, myrtle, and roses clutched in a tan hand.   
  
Another blink and something shakes in Daichi’s chest- small and hopeful but disbelieving as he steps into his room.   
  
(That’s not for him. Can’t be for him. He doesn’t _get_ flowers. Those are for Oikawa and Suga- not for him. They’re _not_ his and the hope in his chest is shameful and selfish. He’s a _horrible_ partner for being so _greedy_.)   
  
Daichi blinks again and the “Kentarou…?” that he lets out is so soft that he doesn’t recognize his own voice calling out to his lover.   
  
(Pathetic. Weak. He needs to get it together.)   
  
Kyoutani turns around, looking surprised, and Daichi watches his lover blink at him, watches as Kyoutani’s fingers flex around the bouquet.   
  
“...thought you would be home later.”   
  
The mumble doesn’t help the shaking in Daichi’s chest and he just looks over Kyoutani- bewildered and wide eyed in a way that he doesn’t want to think about. Kyoutani shuffles under his gaze and he huffs a little, fingers of both hands flexing this time.   
  
“...was gonna get dressed,” Kyoutani tells him, not quite looking him in the eye. “Before you came home. I was just...just gonna leave these here for you and...surprise you...The others are havin’ date night so...I thought...our own. Date night.”   
  
Awkward and stilted and maybe even embarrassed- the words take the air from Daichi’s lungs and his eyes widen to their limits at the admittance, his heart swells and threatens to _burst_ as his lover stands there sheepish and handsome and thoughtful with a bouquet in his grasp and the faintest tint of pink to his cheeks.   
  
Daichi’s eyes sting and, oh _fuck_ \- he’s really about to cry from this.   
  
(Idiot- idiot! Nothing to cry over! Don’t be a baby!)   
  
Daichi swallows hard and, god, there’s a horrible little noise that leaves him- soft and choked and _embarrassing_. Kyoutani looks at him once it sounds and there’s something...concerned? in the furrow of his brow, something almost _nervous_ with the way he shuffles in place.   
  
Kyoutani frowns and that’s when Daichi realizes he hasn’t said anything yet.   
  
(Shit, yeah, he’s a horrible partner. Kyoutani- the roughest, grumpiest, most _oblivious_ one of them all- has done something so _sweet_ and all Daichi can do is gape at him like some kind of _fool_.)   
  
Daichi blinks to try to clear his eyes and takes a breath to find his focus. He takes a step toward his lover and Kyoutani eyes him before lifting the bouquet up in front of him.   
  
“You...you really got that for me?” Daichi asks- voice near to cracking and stupidly, ridiculously disbelieving. (Kyoutani doesn’t deserve that but, god, Daichi can’t believe he’s being given _flowers_.)   
  
Kyoutani nods just once- almost sharp and definitely firm. He thrusts the flowers toward Daichi and all Daichi can do is take them in his hands, look down at them with still wide eyes and a pounding heart.   
  
His cheeks are starting to get warm. His hands only stop trembling when he clutches the bouquet tight in his grasp.   
  
(Such a pathetic reaction- he’s acting like a schoolgirl.)   
  
Daichi swallows and looks up at Kyoutani, bites his cheek as he runs his eyes over his lover.   
  
“I...you didn’t have to do this,” Daichi tells him- voice _still_ so close to cracking. “Oikawa and Suga-”   
  
“You wanted them,” Kyoutani cuts him off bluntly. “They get stuff all the fuckin’ time and I _wanted_ to get you them.”   
  
The cellophane protecting the flowers crinkles as Daichi’s grasp tightens. His eyes are stinging again and he feels _shame_ and _greed_ and _pleasure_ and Daichi has to take a deep breath, swallow once again.   
  
Does Kyoutani understand what this means to him?   
  
Kyoutani shuffles in place again and he looks a little impatient now, a bit flustered as he crosses his arms over his chest.   
  
“...Jida said that you deserve romance too,” he mumbles out. He looks over Daichi and then his expression turns determined- stubborn and firm. “You do. Hajime too. It doesn’t...it shouldn’t just be about Oikawa and Suga.”   
  
He sounds so unshakable- sure and firm and stating it like it’s nothing other than pure _fact_. Daichi’s vision blurs just a little and his lashes wet once he blinks, but he can’t quite care in the moment- too distracted by Kyoutani’s words.   
  
He...deserves romance? That seems so…   
  
(Selfish. Greedy. Needy. Weak.   
  
But, god... _god_. This is all supposed to be a partnership with equal sharing between them all and they’re supposed to be giving each other what they all want and need and fuck- _fuck_.   
  
Daichi _wants_ to be romanced.)   
  
A tear comes with a sniffle and Daichi hurriedly swipes it away, blinks rapidly and tries to get himself together.   
  
(God, he’s always been such a crybaby. So _weak_.)   
  
(...but his loves have never seemed to mind.)   
  
“ _Fuck_ , pup,” Daichi says- voice hiccuping as he tries to control himself. Kyoutani blinks and _his_ eyes widen- just a little but enough that Daichi can see his concern.   
  
Daichi sniffles again and he has to swipe at his eyes- an unsteady laugh leaving him and lips wobbling with a smile.   
  
“Sorry- I’m sorry,” he apologizes, having to swallow again. His breathing comes shaking- along with his smile- and Daichi takes a breath, tries to keep his lips from trembling. “I...fuck. Um...I, uh, didn’t expect this. I...this means a lot.”   
  
Something inside him flinches a little with the honesty and his tears, but Kyoutani relaxes- shoulders dropping from their tense hold and relief flicking so, so fast across his face.   
  
Before Daichi can say anything, Kyoutani grabs onto his hips and pulls him close. The momentum causes them to flop onto the bed and a surprised snort leaves Daichi, laughter follows after it.   
  
He sits up and his smile is no longer shaking- stable and unable to be wiped away. Kyoutani sits up as well- hands settling on Daichi’s hips- and he offers his own tiny smile.   
  
(God, Daichi loves him. _Loves_ him. He would have never guessed that _Kyoutani_ would do this and he would have never thought that he would be so sweet and make him feel _adored_ like this.   
  
But he has and it feels like so much- means so much. There’s guilt twisting in him still and maybe some shame but it can’t be as strong as it had been when he remembers that his lover had told him that he _deserves_ romance.)   
  
(It still counts even if it’s from Jida- Kyoutani believes in everything his grandmother tells him and Daichi knows that Jida had probably not even convinced him; she had let him draw his own conclusions as she likes to do.   
  
And, well, Daichi believes in Jida’s judgement too- if she says he deserves romance then he really does.)   
  
Daichi lets out a shaky, breathless laugh and he looks at the flowers caught between him and his lover, looks back at Kyoutani and lets his smile grow soft.   
  
“Thank you, Kentarou,” he tells him- words soft as his smile and so sincere that they make his own chest ache. “I...I did want flowers. This means a lot and I...I appreciate it. I appreciate _you_.”   
  
Kyoutani’s smile grows into a rare, full fledged thing and Daichi allows himself to be overwhelmed by the warmth and love that flows through him. He kisses his love- drapes his arms over broad shoulders and presses his lips against rougher ones, pours his affection into a sweet, soft kiss.   
  
Kyoutani’s smile has grown small again by the time Daichi breaks the kiss, but it’s still there and it’s enough to keep him melting.   
  
“Thank you,” Daichi tells him, again. “Thank you so much.”   
  
Kyoutani huffs, but Daichi can tell his lover is pleased- relaxed and happy that his gesture is appreciated. Daichi kisses him again, smiling all through it, and he rests his forehead against Kyoutani’s after.   
  
“...let’s get these into some water,” Daichi mumbles. He kisses Kyoutani again- chest still so warm and heart pounding and everything in him singing with the need to dote his lover in affection in return for his gesture. “And then watch that movie?”   
  
Kyoutani nods and Daichi slides off this lap- albeit reluctantly. He gets surprised when a rough hand grasps his own, but it makes his heart skip a beat and Daichi flushes at the continuing of affection, at the way callused fingers link through his own.   
  
Kyoutani tugs him toward the kitchen and Daichi walks after him- one hand holding his love’s and the other clutching a bouquet. They find a vase and put the flowers in it carefully and all that Daichi can think when he runs a finger of silky petals is _god, I’m so lucky._   
  
The two of them curl up in bed after finding a place for the flowers and Daichi spends the night smiling and glowing from the inside out- feeling loved and adored and completely, wonderfully romanced.

**Author's Note:**

> i was going to use this for a prompt fill, but it felt like cheating because it wasn't explicitly kyoudai;;;
> 
> So i'm not
> 
> I do want to write more of them, though- i Love them.
> 
> ~~this almost turned into smut. maybe i should have let it???~~
> 
> Come say hi and hello on [my tumblr](https://moramewhq.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
